Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Jeremy Sartain, winner of the 2007 Chisago Lake Half, talks about this Sunday's race...

Crap. I just looked at the start list and there are some fast buggers planning to try and take MY prize money. David Thompson, some fellas from cheesville, Mark Carey, Alex Hooke, and more. I thought I only needed to worry about getting beaten by Julie Hull and Marlo Crosby McGaver. I guess I have my work cut out for me this weekend!

When asked to give my two cents on how the Chisago long course race will go, I came up with three possible versions. You decide which one is which.

Version 1 needs some background information first: I have the same swim coach (Duane Dobko) as David Thompson, thus I should swim as fast as him. I just purchased a brand new nose trimmer and Norelco body groomer, so my aerodynamics on the bike just improved significantly. I’ve been seeing Dr. Josh at Spine and Sports to rid my leg of remaining scar tissue (Josh fixed David a couple of times too) so I’m feeling rather bionic on the run. As you can see, I can’t be beat, so all the other fast kids with low 4 hour or sub 4 hour previous splits better be ready to go sub 3, cuz that’s how I’m gonna role!

Version 2: David is late to registration like he was last year and has to start the swim with the novice wave. He’s a super nice guy and thus takes 1.5 hours to complete the swim as he finds himself helping all the novices and in fact resuscitates a woman who looks a lot like Hilary Swank. David makes a ton of time up on the bike and run (1:59 bike and 1:11 run) and finishes the day in 2nd overall behind Jeremy Sartain. Mark Carey offers cheese to the guys from Wisconsin right before the start of the swim and this completely eliminates Mike Lavery (who apparently looks like Hilary Swank) and Tim Hola (who looks just like Tim Hola). Mark nabs 3rd.

Version 3: David Thompson wins with a sub 4 hour and new course record. There is a huge battle for 2nd through 6th or so place. I’m hopefully off the bike in 2nd behind David and will try like mad to run under 1:30, but this time will likely not cut it for a podium with such a stellar talent pool assembled. Regardless, I’m going to rip this race as hard as I am capable of on the day. Unfortunately it’s too difficult to make any guesses on who will fill out the podium as there are just too many guys with incredibly similar results. Regardless, this is going to be an epic battle!