Wednesday, February 3, 2010


(Photos: Top - Bonnie and a male stranger in the act of parenting. Left - Danvers State Insane Asylum)

Today we're "Going Off-Course" with triathlete/frequent MTN contributor Bonnie Siegel. Bonnie thought it would be fun to design her own questionnaire. What this means, of course, is that the questions are just as frightening as the answers. We've added our amateur psych/medical diagnosis parenthetically after each Q & A. Please understand that we are not medical professionals, though we'd like to play them on T.V.

1. Do you ever think about Forrest Gump? Yes, whenever I eat chocolate I hear his voice like a ghost in the night. Also, whenever I’m doing a long run I think about him running for days and want to shoot the bastard. (Anger Management Issues - Rx - tricyclics & benzodiazepines)

2. What is the most fun thing you've ever done? Hang Gliding. There is something about jumping off the side of a huge mountain with a large kite on your back that is somehow very exciting. (Suicidal Tendancies - Rx - anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic drugs, bi-polar meds)

3. What is your favorite restaurant? See's Candy. 2nd would be Godiva. 3rd is McCormick & Schmicks (Hypoglycemia - Rx - GlucaGen)

4. What is your fondest memory? Falling off the 2nd story roof and into the house through a window while standing on my mother's shoulders. (Masochism - Recommended drugs: ALL of them.)

5. Favorite artist/band- Beethoven & Linkin Park (Manic Depression - Rx - Bipolar meds)

6. Favorite movie? The 1st Matrix "Dodge this!" (I would say Escape To Witch Mountain but that would age me considerably and I am still working on the mastery of starting my car with my mind.) (Hallucinations - Rx - Anti-schizoid drugs, haldol, thorazine)

7. Do you have any secret powers? If I told you what they are, they would no longer be secret. (Delusions of Grandeur - Rx - B12, getting into an AA program)

8. What do you want to be doing in 10 years? Counting out my Lotto winnings on a secluded beach halfway around the world. (Misplaced Optimism - Rx - Get Real!)

9. Favorite Author/Writer? Dave Barry. *Honorable mention goes to Gary Larson for his astonishing work in "The Far Side". Dave has a way with words like no other. He can lead his readers so far off the beaten track that they are in another dimension and then bring them back eloquently with humor and horribly inexcusable confusion. It reminds me of the time I was pulling my best friend in a red wagon while I went as fast as I could on my bike. Next thing I know we broke the sound barrier and she fell off the back of the wagon like a tumble weed on a hot, windy, desert night, rolling endlessly down the street. Did I mention Dave Barry? (No pathology here!)

10. Hobbies? I love to bake. I would like to own my own candy shop and sell to some of the big boxes such as Costco and Walmart. All of the things I bake are guaranteed to be loaded down with MSG, bad cholesterol and enough fat to harden your arteries faster than melted lard on a cold Minnesota winter night. (Dyslexia --2nd sentence needs work!--and Homicidal Tendencies - Rx - Double the dosages of whatever you're taking now.)

11. Favorite sport? Spending time with my kids. (Pathological Lying - Rx - Psychotherapy for more years than you have left)

12. Favorite person? Dr. Silverman, aka Dr. Evil, aka Dr. Goldman. He has officially given me two, not one but two, bionic ankles. Be careful though. When he leans down to check your ankle the flash of light on his head due to lack blinding. I nearly got in a car accident last time I left his office. He is also slightly disturbed. He says it is due to the fact that I cut off my own cast with a kitchen knife 7 days out of surgery last year and hacked at this years cast with a pair of hedge cutters until it was completely unrecognizable but I think it's because he is a swimmer. Swimmers are dodgy people and cannot be fully trusted. They are very slippery. Think about it. Have you ever met a swimmer you could trust?? (Heavy Metals Poisoning - Chelation)

13. Do you see dead people? Yes, in fact there is one standing next to you as we speak. They are usually quite friendly and misunderstood. How would you like to never be able to eat chocolate again or have surgery on your ankles? (HJO Syndrome *, aka Sixth Sense - When you've got it, you've got it. No pathology here.)

* HJO Syndrome - Haley Joel Ozment Syndrome.