Tuesday, April 6, 2010


(Photos: Above - The Fingers: Mom, Dad & his cool shirt and Suzie. Right: Britney "The Noggin" Spears. Below Right: Kym Kardashian modeling her store-bought keister; Snookie from "Jersey Shore" - her brain is the size of a walnut; Tina Fey and Amy Poehler on the "Baby Mama" poster. Lower Left: A really yummy cookie.)

It's time to debunk all of the insidious rumors surrounding 2009 Rookie of the Year Triathlete / pop culture maven / totally hot chick Suzie Finger.

* RUMOR: At 16 she was horribly disfigured in a chemistry class experiment involving dead frogs and sulphuric acid. Restoring her super-good looks required 16 surgeries with medical costs totaling $6, 435, 714.18. TRUTH: This is probably false!

* RUMOR: She has never passed wind. TRUTH: This is probably true!

* RUMOR: She is actually Britney Spears. TRUTH: This is probably false, though we're really, really not sure.

* RUMOR: She was cloned from DNA taken from Britney Spears' toothbrush. TRUTH: This could be true!

* RUMOR: She's going to get tush implants like Kym Kardashian. TRUTH: Probably not.

* RUMOR: Suzie is a lot smarter than Snookie from "Jersey Shore." TRUTH: This is totally true. Suzie is VERY intelligent; Snookie is a moron. (Actually, Snookie is a medically diagnosed idiot. With constant tutoring it is hoped that someday she'll graduate to "imbecile.")

And here is some true stuff about the totally cool and astonishingly contemporary Suzie Finger. Thanks for being a good sport, Suze!

Age: 26

College? Fl
orida CC (played softball), UNC-Pembroke, U. of Minnesota

Occupation? Personal Trainer

Family? 5 yr. old Chihuahua Ozzie. In maybe 5-8 years I want to get married, start a family and get 2-3 more dogs. No rush though, except maybe for the dogs.

Where are you from? I have lived in 8 different states from Santa Monica, CA all the way to Jac
ksonville, FL and a bunch of places in between. I lived in Reno, NV the
longest so I tell people I am from Reno.

Tattoos? Tattoos are not for me


Movies? The Secret, Food Inc, Funny People, In Her Shoes, Baby Momma...I love Netflix and my Roku. Also, every Steve Martin, John Candy, and Chevy Chase movie because those are all my Dad's faves and they remind me of my childhood and my Dad, my Sister, and I laughing like crazy together. (Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, The Jerk, Christmas Vacation, etc)

Actor/Actresses? Cameron Diaz, Sarah Jessica Parker
Singers? Britney, Kings of Leon

Songs? currently= Solemate by Natasha Bedingfield, I relate to the lyrics right now

TV Shows? Sex and the City, the original Melrose Place, The Millionaire Matchmaker, Nip Tuck, Desperate Housewives, and Keeping Up With the
Kardashians (the trainer has turned me into a TV junkie)

Books? The Secret, Green for Life, anything by Jason Vale & juicy tell all biographies. (Jessica Canseco's, Jenna Jameson's, Diablo Cody's, Chelsea Handler's and David Well's are some of my faves).

Restaurants? Minnesota= Good Earth and The King & I Thai. Sweet Tomatoes is the best though, if you ever see one in CO or FL try it!

Meals? Green smoothies, fresh juices, fresh fruit, really thick and creamy local raw honey, cashew butter, almond butter, peanut butter, and my Dad's homemade super fiber & flax waffles.

Junk Food? Huge soft cookies made by The Alternative Baking Company (try them at Wedge or Fresh and Natural Foods), my
sister makes the best tofu brownies (nobody ever knows there is tofu in them, they are fabulous), pizza, & pad thai.

Alcoholic Beverages? Expensive champagne with a reason to celebrate. Or beer, vodka gimlets, & anything out of my parents awesome walk-in wine cellar.

Dream Vacation? My first Ironman (location undecided, but one close to July 2013), it is going to be my 30th birthday present to myself

Non-tri hobbies? Dogs, my family/friends, make up, hair, shopping, clothes, watching baseball, yoga, strength/core training, MLB fantasy league, my job. I love the trainer, I could spin all day and watch trashy TV shows like The Bad Girls Club, Real Housewives, Jersey Shore, & Hoarders...it's my guilty pleasure.

Heroes? My grandma (Nana). She is 86, still runs, has a way more exciting social life than I do, travels the world all by herself for fun and she has amazing legs! I want them, they're hot!