Monday, January 18, 2010


(WARNING: Some of what you are about to read is ridiculous.)

Jan Guenther's answers to our "Going Off-Course with Team Minnesota" questionnaire were disturbing. Many of them seemed purposefully vague. Others appeared diversionary; "smokescreens," if you will. And others were just downright lies.

Need proof?

Okay. Check out her answers and our commentary.

Occupation: ___________(MTN: Why didn't you answer this question, Jan--if that is your "real" name? Got something to hide?)
College? Where? Degrees? Northwestern (kellogg school of Management) MBA, Duke University BS (MTN: Northwestern AND Duke? No one is THAT smart!)
Favorite food: Fresh homemade bread and rubarb crisp and a whole lot more! (MTN: Is she kidding? There's no such thing as "Rhubarb Crisp.")
Favorite books: Lots and lots-- of bookshelves in my house. Anything but Sci Fi (MTN: Could she be any more vague? Do any of your books have titles, Jan?)

Favorite Movies:no time (MTN: What are you hiding, Jan?)
Favorite actors & actresses:no time (MTN: What are you hiding, Jan?)
Favorite TV shows:no time (MTN: What are you hiding, Jan?)
Favorite Singers or Bands? I forget the names, bad memory and I am not going to spend time to try and remember. (MTN: Why so defensive, Jan?)
Favorite Songs? same as above--maybe summer breeze. How sappy. (MTN: Liar! A recent poll by Rolling Stone Magazine revealed that NOBODY actually likes that song.)
Favorite Junk Food: cookie dough (MTN: This tells us nothing. Everybody likes cookie dough.)
Your Perfect Meal: most things healthy followed by a really good desert! (MTN: Could she be any more vague?)

Favorite Restaurant: no time (MTN: What are you hiding, Jan?)
Favorite Alcoholic Beverage: good red wine (MTN: As opposed to what? "Bad" red wine? What are you hiding?)
Non-Tri Hobbies: drawing cartoons, reading (MTN: Liar! What cartoons do you draw? Sponge Bob? Courage the Cowardly Dog? Zippy the Pinhead? We didn't think so.)
Favorite Pro Teams: no time (MTN: What are you hiding, Jan?)
Favorite College Teams: no time (MTN: What are you hiding, Jan?)
Heroes? no time! (MTN: What are you hiding, Jan?)
Dream Vacation Destination? up north, hiking and paddling and running and relaxing and drinking wine with friends... (MTN: Up north? Can you be more specific, Jan? How far north? Vadnais Heights? Hinckley? Thunder Bay? Moose Jaw, Yellow Knife?)
Winter Training? How do you train in the off-season? xc skiing OF COURSE!!!!! (MTN: Do you really ski, Jan? Our guess is that you disappear for hours and when people ask you where you've been, your claim that you were cross country skiing. Very convenient.)

Why was Jan deliberately evasive when answering our questions? There are four possible reasons:

1. She's in the Witness Protection Program.
2. She's a fugitive from justice.
3. She's a spy.
4. She's an undercover cop.

We hope she's a fugitive from justice, otherwise we've blown her cover.

(P.S. Jan Guenther is actually a person with a very full and rewarding life. An entrepreneur, endurance athlete, loving hands-on parent, Jan excels at everything she does.)