Monday, March 8, 2010


By Bonnie Prozac

Have you ever felt like you were being whacked by hammers while running? Neither have I, but apparently this is a very accurate description for my fiancé...

Yesterday we were talking about the different phases we've noticed our bodies go through while running. For me, it would be more accurate to describe it as the different phases of agony and imminent death. My friend Moe has three phases which he describes with enthusiasm. I like to believe that someday I will feel the same if I just keep on training with consistency. Here is how Moe described his phases:

Miles 1-3: "A great warm up. I feel great!" (He's running a pace which equates to a speed faster than my all out sprint.Literally.)

Miles 4-10: "I feel strong and steady." (His pace here is something I flat out know I'll never get to even on a severe down grade.)

Miles 11 to Eternity: "A nice, strong finish. Refreshed." (A pace that is more like hyper speed or something that could get him a ticket for breaking the sound barrier. Die, Moe, die!)

My phases are as follows:

Mile 1: "This isn't fun. I'm not having fun. I need chocolate. Why do people do this?"

Mile 2: "There is no reason to live. Death is better."

Mile 3: "I can't breath or move my legs and I'm not sure how I am moving forward."

Mile 4: "Life is ok and I think I may live. What's for dinner?"

Mile 5-7: My brain has now left my body and my sole focus is on getting to the end. No thoughts here.

Mile 8+: "Why on earth do people do this? What is the purpose? Is there really a Santa Claus?"

My Fiancé's are:

Mile 1: "My ankle hurts and I can't breath."

Miles 2-4: "Life is good! I'm an athlete!"

Miles 5 "I've been running for a long time now and I miss not running...."

Miles 6: "Why did I ever take up such a fowl sports as this?"

Mile 7: "I have now given up my will to live."

Mile 8-9: "Every step feels as if hammers are whacking my quads."

Mile 10+: "I can no longer process the words coming out of my fiancé's mouth. I am having an out of body experience. Am I hallucinating or are there Arabs on horses over there?!"

Tomorrow we get to swim and bike. Running is a cake walk compared to how I feel on the bike....